Non-Gaming Stories

Move over Five Nights at Freddy's! Step aside Camp Crystal Lake! Pack your bags, Jigsaw! Dolly Parton has hidden 10 Butterfly Tickets in the Tennessee Playcation Kid's Guide. I get that this intentionally is a callback to Willy Wonka's five Golden Tickets. But, much like the Candy Man, the outfit she wears to advertise this special promotion is one of the hands down creepiest things I have ever seen. Maybe I'm just envisioning the terrifying Oompa Loompa Tunnel Ride, Augustus Gloop getting sucked into a pipe on the chocolate river, Violet Beauregarde turning in a giant blueberry after chewing some gum (YOU'RE TURNING VIOLET, VIOLET!), Veruca falling down a trash chute, and Mike shrinking down to the size of a candy bar. And this all happened in a single chocolate factory! Imagine the horrors a state the size of Tennessee could unleash on the unsuspecting winners!  Willy Wonka (left) Dolly Parton (right)

"There is no toast in gulag, only soggy bread, Comrade." - Vladimir Gluten, 2015

My youngest son wanted an Indominus Rex for his birthday. We got him a King Kong instead. The shovels that are included in his Dino-bone brownies fit his hands perfectly. Baby sister insisted that Rexy get a shovel too, despite having only one hand. Kong- Dual-wielding Ape Archeologist and his one-armed assistant, Rexy!

Two Mondays ago, my son started his Driver's Education classes. It's all online with Zoom meetings for 3 hours each day Monday through Friday. The topics covered seem to be fairly standard, what you would expect for classroom activities related to the topic but, apparently, there was a special focus on the "Modern Roundabout". For those of you who may be wondering, A "modern roundabout" is a type of looping junction in which road traffic travels in one direction around a central island and priority is given to the circulating flow. Signs usually direct traffic entering the circle to slow and to give way to traffic already on it. In theory, this type of intersection allows for greater safety than a regular intersection and less traffic back-up than those controlled by stoplights. I am told that the instructor went on and on about this marvel of engineering. And said we have one in town. Let me assure you, we do not. The closest Modern Roundabout is 19 mile...

GRILLED CHEESE DIPPIN’ STRIPS! For years now, ever since my kids were little, I have given them a list of options on how I would cut their sandwiches.  SQUARES, TRIANGLES, AND STRIPES One night at work, when I was spending more time screwing around than actually doing my job (because that way leads to madness), I came up with an idea for a product: GRILLED CHEESE DIPPIN’ STRIPS (trust me, it sounds wa-a-a-a-y cooler when you say it like the “LET’S GET READY TO RUM-M-M-M-M-MBLE!” guy).  I was bouncing around in the kitchen, all excited about my product idea, calling out “GRILLED CHEESE DIPPIN’ STRIPS” and going on and on about how good they would be and that there are people out there who would buy them. The idea is pretty simple: make a grilled cheese sandwich, cut it into stripes and package each strip individually (like string cheese), box up the sandwiches with some sort of sauce to dip them in and sell them in the refrigerated food section of the supermarket, right between...

Had an idea awhile back about a burger place with names inspired by the internet.  The Chonky - Foot-long hot dog with ketchup, Mustard, diced onions, and relish, also available with cheese. The Big Chungus - a 1/2 pound cheeseburger with ketchup, mustard, lettuce, tomato, pickle, and onion. Comes with choice of Cheddar or Pepperjack cheese. Also available as the Double Chungus. Chips - pretty much original Lay's or a generic equivalent  Grilled Cheese Dippin' Strips