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The Fisher-Price Corn Popper

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After years of having this in our house, we are finally getting rid of this thing... Got a friend you secretly hate? That friend got kids? Little ones? Like toddler-aged or younger? Then have I got a deal for you! The Fisher-Price Corn Popper! Babies love it! It drives adults to the brink of sanity and leaves them staring into the abyss beyond. Features include: • "A delightful popping sound" • Endless Entertainment for Children • Operates without Batteries, Mercy, or Remorse! Watch as your friend's toddler gleefully laps the living room for the 437th consecutive time while the unmistakable POP-POP-POP-POP-POP echoes through every room of the house.

How Many Lo Pans?

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Today, I learned that James Hong played a David Lo Pan in addition to the one from "Big Trouble in Little China". This second Lo Pan appeared in an episode of the short-lived science fiction television series "The Chronicle". He played Another Lo Pan, this one with the first name of Ben in the TV show "Chuck". This made me curious. How many Lo Pans has James Hong played? A fairly exhaustive internet search culminated in a IMDB list of all of James Hong's characters. This gave me the the question that had been bothering me for most of the morning. How many Lo Pans has James Hong played? Three. David Lo Pan in "Big Trouble in Little China". David Lo Pan in "The Chronicle". Ben Lo Pan in "Chuck" That's it. That's all. It was really rather anticlimactic. But, what if... All Three Lo Pans were related? David Lo Pan #2 and Ben Lo Pan could have been descended from David Lo Pan #1 directly or they could be multi...

Facehugger - Butthugger?

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Does the existence of the Xenomorph Facehugger imply the existence of a Xenomorph Butthugger?

Knock knock Jokes from a Five-year Old

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  5 y/o son: "Knock knock." Me: "Who's there?" 5 y/o son : "Larry." Me: "Larry, who?" 5 y/o son : "Larry who goes to the potato store and buys a potato!" (Mad cackling) - - - - 5 y/o son : "Knock knock." Me: "Who's there?" 5 y/o son : "Chicken." Me: "Chicken, who?" 5 y/o son : "Chicken who goes to the potato store and buys a potato!" (More cackling)

I Like Hot Sauce

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Kids requested omelets for dinner. Ham and cheese for 4-year old son. Ham, cheese, and Bell Peppers for 2-year old daughter. Onion, bell pepper, ham, cheese, spinach, and some leftover rice for me. I added Scorpion Tabasco to mine. 2-year old looked at me and says "I like hot sauce". I told her that I didn't think she did. But she insisted. So I said "ok". ... ... And dribbled some regular Tabasco onto a couple of her egg bits. ... ... She made a face, stuck her tongue out, and proceeded to devour the saucy egg bits before loudly proclaiming "I like hot sauce!" once again. 

Dolly Parton is the Willy Wonka of 2024

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Move over Five Nights at Freddy's! Step aside Camp Crystal Lake! Pack your bags, Jigsaw! Dolly Parton has hidden 10 Butterfly Tickets in the Tennessee Playcation Kid's Guide. I get that this intentionally is a callback to Willy Wonka's five Golden Tickets. But, much like the Candy Man, the outfit she wears to advertise this special promotion is one of the hands down creepiest things I have ever seen. Maybe I'm just envisioning the terrifying Oompa Loompa Tunnel Ride, Augustus Gloop getting sucked into a pipe on the chocolate river, Violet Beauregarde turning in a giant blueberry after chewing some gum (YOU'RE TURNING VIOLET, VIOLET!), Veruca falling down a trash chute, and Mike shrinking down to the size of a candy bar. And this all happened in a single chocolate factory! Imagine the horrors a state the size of Tennessee could unleash on the unsuspecting winners!  Willy Wonka (left) Dolly Parton (right)

Vladimir Gluten

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"There is no toast in gulag, only soggy bread, Comrade." - Vladimir Gluten, 2015