The Rule of Three (as Applied to Pickles)

Things always happen in threes…

Celebrities always die in threes…

A-B-C, 1-2-3…

Peter, Paul, and Mary…

The Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost…

Stop, Drop, and Roll…

3, 5, and 10 (see what I did there?) are psychologically satisfying numbers.  If something doesn’t come in one of those increments, it messes with our heads and while some may argue to include the Number 4 in that list, Chicken McNuggets and the Beatles are not enough to establish a precedent – at least not for me.

I have a theory that this psychological need extends to the food we eat.  Take for example, the Cheeseburger.  Available from any number of fast food eateries, it has become ubiquitous with American culture.  They come with a variety of toppings, a wide assortment of breads, cheeses, and different blends of meat.  But let’s say, just for a moment, that you don’t want all of those toppings.  Let’s say that all you want on your burger is pickles.  You plunk down your $3.19, pull up to the window (or the counter, as applicable) to get your food.  You unwrap your sandwich and open it up to make sure that your order was prepared correctly and discover that all your money got you was a bun, a meat patty with a slice of cheese, and two slices of pickle.  You look down at your sandwich, possibly shake your head and think to yourself (if you are alone) or remark aloud (if you happen to be the sort of person who talks to themselves or you have someone with you) “Cheap-ass bastards only gave me two pickles.  What the %@$☆?”

Two pickles are fine if you have multiple other toppings like lettuce, onions, or *shudders* ketchup. 

But by themselves?

Not just, no.  Hell, no.

There’d best at least three pickles on that bun if the restaurant in question knows what’s good for them.

Any more than that and they’d be cutting into their profit margin.  Any less and they’re going to get a reputation for being the aforementioned cheap-ass bastards.

So, here is my task for you (of course there’s homework).  Go out, hit a drive thru, and get a pickle-only burger.  Let me know what you get.  Include pictures if you can.  I am curious and want to see if my theory holds water.